


no sweeter innocence

by Anonymous



Series: ain't close enough [4]
Category: Men's Hockey RPF
Genre: First Time, Getting Together, M/M, Relationship Negotiation, Sibling Incest
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-16
Updated: 2019-08-16
Packaged: 2020-09-01 19:24:47
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,738
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20263276
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/
Summary: Alexander's home from his second year at Harvard, and Colton's been... weird.





	no sweeter innocence

**Author's Note:**

> The overwhelming request last time was for their first time, so here you go! I very much meant to write something longer than this, but I figured breaking it into two separate fics made more sense than trying to force two different ideas into the same fic. So! There's more coming! I have several more things planned here!

The first part of summer vacation is the best, Alexander thinks. It's a lot of lounging around by the pool, stretching out in the sun, and late nights catching up with his friends as they all get back into town after their semesters end. It's his second summer doing this, so he knows how long he has before he has to get back into training; just because the coach likes him doesn't mean Alexander's automatically going to make the team, and he wants to do as well as he can so he'll have a chance at captain during his senior year. He's still got time to spend with his family, though, asking how Daniel's liking high school, how Soleil did in her last year of junior high, how his parents spent their year, and how Colton--

Alexander keeps catching Colton looking at him, but he never walks over to start a conversation, and half the time he bolts if Alexander gets too close. It's weird, he thinks, because it's been pretty constant, Alexander glancing up and finding Colton looking in his direction, turning to say something to him and finding Colton already staring. He'd been lounging by the pool earlier, trying to nap with his sunglasses on, and Colton had stopped at the end of his lounger, just standing there for a moment. Alexander's sure that Colton had known he wasn't asleep, but he'd just watched for a minute before turning and diving into the pool.

He has no idea what's going on; it's getting to the point where he should probably ask Colton, but there's some sick part of him that thrills at the attention. Talking to Colton would mean facing whatever that is head-on, and Alexander honestly isn't sure that's something he can do.

"Hey," Daniel says, dropping into an empty chair. It's Alexander's third night home, and they've all been hanging out on the porch after dinner, fire going in the fire pit as the sun went down. Their parents and Soleil had gone inside about ten minutes ago, and now it's just Alexander and Daniel listening to the fire crackle, Colton hanging around somewhere out of Alexander's range of sight. It's warm and comfortable, and Alexander's trying not to think about Colton at all right now, about how he'd met Alexander's eyes across the fire earlier and held them for a solid thirty seconds before turning and walking away.

"Hey," Alexander replies when Daniel nudges him, drawing him out of his thoughts. "What's up?"

Daniel shrugs. "Wondering if you know why Colton's being so fucking weird," he says. "I asked him about it, and he told me to fuck off."

Alexander tries not to tense; so he's _not_ the only one who's noticed it. "I have no idea," he says, which is the truth, at least. "Maybe I'll corner him later, see if I can get him to spill."

"Good luck," Daniel says. He rolls his eyes with all the irritation a fifteen-year-old can muster, which is… actually quite a lot, Alexander thinks with some amusement. "Anyway, tell me more about college. Not your hockey, I know about your hockey."

"I'm guessing you don't want to hear about how my econ team did at regionals," Alexander says, grinning when Daniel makes a face. "What do you want to know?"

Daniel leans in. "Are there a lot of hot girls? Did you hook up a lot?"

Alexander chokes on nothing. "What?"

"Oh my god, leave him alone," Colton says, and Alexander coughs again as he startles. Colton grins at him and shoves at Daniel's shoulder. "Go watch porn like the rest of your friends."

"Maybe I will," Daniel says, crossing his arms over his chest. "Maybe I'll use your login and watch all the really weird shit so that's all it suggests when you log in next time."

"If it means you had to suffer through it in the first place, I'll live with it," Colton says, shrugging. "Mom was looking for you. Something about your world history final?"

Daniel's face scrunches up. "Fuck," he says, tone dejected. "I wanted to grab my report card before she saw it."

"They uploaded it to the parent portal, dude," Colton says. "You're in high school. Shit's real now."

"Better go face the music," Alexander says. "Also, for the record: yes, there are plenty of hot girls, and no, I didn't hook up with any of them."

"Lame," Daniel scoffs, getting up and flipping Alexander and Colton off for some reason before walking back into the house.

Colton shrugs when Alexander glances at him. "He's going through a whole... thing," he says when Daniel disappears inside.

"Oh, you're talking to me now?" Alexander asks, raising an eyebrow. "I was wondering if you were just going to keep looking at me and then leaving if it looked like I was going to say something."

Colton's face goes red and he looks at his feet as he takes Daniel's seat. "Yeah, sorry."

"What's up?" Alexander asks, trying to keep his voice gentle. "Don't say nothing. I know it's not nothing."

"Just," Colton says. He glances quickly up at Alexander, then back at his feet. "You're home."

"I am," Alexander agrees. "Is that… a problem?"

"Yeah," Colton says, and Alexander flinches back. He hadn't been expecting that at all. Colton's gaze snaps to him, and his eyes go wide. "Or-- fuck, no, of course not. I'm sorry. I'm… my thinking is all fucked up."

Alexander takes a deep breath. "Okay," he says. "Okay. Tell me what's _wrong_, Colton."

Colton laughs, but he doesn't sound amused. "You don't want me to do that."

"What the fuck?" Alexander asks, frowning. "You're-- okay, well, if you don't want to tell me, then maybe Mom or Dad--"

"No," Colton interrupts, and now he sounds almost panicked. "I'll-- I'm fine, I'm okay. I'm dealing with it."

"Colton," Alexander says, shifting in his seat and leaning over so he can touch his brother's arm, gentle and grounding. "You're freaking me out here. Please just tell me what's going on."

Colton closes his eyes and takes a deep, audible breath, then another. When he speaks again, his voice is barely above a whisper. "Do you promise you won't hate me?"

"Do I," Alexander says, blinking at him. "Of course I'm not going to hate you. I would never hate you, no matter what, so whatever--"

Colton leans across the space between them and presses his mouth to Alexander's.

It's clumsy; that's all Alexander can think, because his brain completely stalls on every other avenue. He's frozen in place, mouth still open a little from his unfinished sentence, and Colton swipes his tongue out, licks gently at Alexander's bottom lip, and--

Colton pulls himself back so hard that he reels a little. "I'm sorry, I'm so sorry," he says, and then he gets up and bolts for the house.

"Uh," Alexander says to the empty yard. 

The yard doesn't provide a helpful answer, which Alexander thinks is rude, frankly. Instead he's left staring at the back of the house, wondering what the fuck just happened.

He has no idea how long he's been sitting there before the door opens again. His heart starts to race, but the person who slips out resolves into Daniel, not Colton. He takes the seat that Colton had been in, and they're both quiet for a moment.

"So," Daniel starts, and it's the angry kind of fake-casual. "I'm guessing he told you, huh?"

"What?" Alexander yelps. There's no way Colton told Daniel that he-- that he--

"That he's gay," Daniel says. "I told him that he should telll you because you wouldn't give a shit, but if I was wrong and you were awful to him, tell me right the fuck now, Alexander."

Alexander pulls in a shaky breath and firmly tells his heartbeat to calm down already. "I wasn't a dick," he says. "That would be pretty goddamn hypocritical of me."

Daniel's quiet for a moment, "So when you said you didn't hook up with any hot girls…"

"I hooked up with plenty of hot guys, and I'm still not giving you details," Alexander says.

"Fine," Daniel says, shrugging. "So if you weren't awful to Colton, why'd he run inside like you were chasing him with a bat?"

Alexander takes a careful breath and thinks, really _thinks_ about what he could say and should say and absolutely shouldn't say right now. "He… came out to me," he says carefully, because technically Colton had, even if it's not in the way that Daniel meant. "I guess he spooked. I wasn't a dick, but I was… uh. Surprised about how he told me."

Daniel scowls. "So you didn't say anything at all, and he assumed the absolute worst case scenario."

Alexander laughs because it's incredibly accurate, even if the details in Daniel's head are a little left of the truth. "Yeah," he says. "I guess."

"You need to talk to him," Daniel says, voice firm. "He was so scared to come out to you, and you managed to fuck it up when I _swore_ to him that you wouldn't. Fix it."

"Daniel," Alexander starts.

"No," Daniel cuts in. "Don't-- don't give me fucking _excuses,_ Alexander. I'm not gonna be on your side, not for this."

Alexander is pretty sure that if he told Daniel what actually happened, Daniel would change his mind, but he's very firmly not going to do that. "Yeah," he says instead. He knows it sounds weak, but it's all he's got right now. "Okay."

"I will kick your ass," Daniel adds, and Alexander's never heard him this serious about anything before. "If you don't fix this, I swear to god."

"I'll fix it," Alexander promises. He has no idea how, or what a fixed version of this even looks like, but he doesn't want Daniel to throw a punch, and he also doesn't want Colton to think that Alexander hates him.

He doesn't, he thinks as he stands and heads into the house. He's kind of confused, sure, and he's definitely got more than one question, but no part of him hates Colton. No part of him is even angry, Alexander realizes as he slides the back door open and steps inside.

He's just going to ignore the part of his head that had been about to kiss back before Colton pulled away.

The door to Colton's bedroom is shut when Alexander walks down the hallway, and he stands outside for a moment to take a deep breath before he knocks. "Hey," he says quietly. "It's me."

There's noise from inside, but Colton doesn't say anything.

"Colton," Alexander says, and his voice sounds so gentle to his own ears, soft and reassuring like he's talking to a scared animal. "Please."

There's more noise from inside, and then the door opens. Colton looks at him for a moment, then turns around and walks towards his bed, leaving the door open behind him.

Alexander takes it as the invitation it is, walking inside and shutting the door behind him. He hesitates for a moment, but then he locks it, because the last thing he wants is for anyone else to walk in on this conversation.

"So," Alexander starts. He really has no idea what he's doing here; he's not sure there's a way to think about what he's supposed to say in this situation. Or, like, he's pretty sure he knows what he's _supposed_ to say, but he also knows damn well he's not going to yell or point fingers or tell Colton he's sick, he's wrong, he needs to stay the fuck away from Alexander.

"So," Colton echoes.

"I don't hate you," Alexander says. "I promised I wouldn't, and I meant it, okay?"

Colron shifts on the bed. "You never actually promised," he says. "I kind of, uh. Cut you off."

"I'm promising now, then," Alexander says. He takes a hesitant step forward. "I don't hate you, and I won't ever hate you. Not for this, not for anything else."

Colton actually looks up at him for a brief moment before looking away again. "I'm fucked up," he says quietly. "I-- I _kissed_ you. You're my _brother_."

"You did and I am," Alexander agrees. "I guess my question is why you did it."

Colton's face is so, so red. "Because I've been thinking about doing it since you were home at Christmas," he says quietly. "Because you're-- you don't want to hear this, Alexander. Please don't make me say it out loud."

Alexander takes another deep breath. In for a penny, he thinks, and he crosses the room and sits next to Colton on the bed. "Hey," he says quietly, not reaching out in what may be the strongest display of willpower he's ever shown. "Colton. I wouldn't ask if I wasn't prepared to hear the answer."

"Because you're hot and you're smart and you're funny," Colton says, and it sounds like the words are being ripped out of him. "Because I _like_ you in ways I absolutely shouldn't. Because I looked up on Christmas Eve and you were sitting next to the tree, and all I could think was _god, he's gorgeous,_ and I almost kissed you before you left to go back to school but I convinced myself not to."

"Which is why it's a problem that I'm home now," Alexander says quietly. "Because I'm back in front of you all the time."

Colton laughs completely without humor. "Do you know how many times I've stopped myself? You've only been back for three days, and it's gotta be two dozen."

Alexander doesn't let himself startle at the news. "Oh."

"Yeah," Colton agrees. "Oh."

They sit quietly for a moment before Alexander sighs. "So," he says. "You kissed me."

"Yeah, we've been over that," Colton says. He doesn't sound sarcastic, just tired.

"And you did it because you wanted to," Alexander continues. "Because you'd been thinking about it since Christmas."

"Yeah," Colton says, voice quiet. "And you promised not to hate me, Alexander, so--"

"Hey," Alexander cuts in. He closes his eyes and takes a deep breath, and he doesn't open them back up as he lifts his hand and reaches over. He brushes against Colton's leg, then trails up to settle on his knee. "I don't. I don't hate you, Colton."

He can hear how loud Colton's intake of breath is. "Alexander," he says, and now he sounds cautious more than anything else.

"I don't hate you," Alexander repeats. "Not for this. Never for this."

"Don't," Colton says, and he takes a shuddering breath. "Don't do this, don't just be nice to me. I can't take it, okay? The nicest thing you can do right now is leave, I think, because you don't hate me and that's great, it is, but I need to--"

Alexander opens his eyes and Colton's facing him, Colton's looking at him, and Alexander leans in and brushes his mouth against Colton's.

There's dead silence as he pulls back.

"What," Colton whispers.

"I don't know," Alexander says quietly. "I don't have a clue, Colton. I really don't."

"You kissed me," Colton says, and he sounds like he's trying to confirm it, like he's not sure it actually happened.

"I kissed you," Alexander says. "And you kissed me, before."

"If that was some sort of, like, thing to even us up," Colton says, drawing back.

"It wasn't," Alexander says. "You kissed me, and I froze, and I didn't get to kiss you back. Now… now I got to."

Colton's eyes are wide. "Are you," he asks. He glances down at his knee, where Alexander's hand is still resting. "I really, really need you to tell me what's happening here, I think."

"I still don't know," Alexander says quietly. "Do you... I can go."

Colton stares at his knee. At Alexander's hand, probably, the way his fingers are curling around the joint, pressing slightly into the hollow space in his kneecap, warm and solid and still there even though neither of them is sure what it means in the moment.

"Yeah, I think you should go," Colton says, voice back to a whisper. "Just-- I need you to know what you mean, Alexander. Or I need us both to pretend none of this ever happened."

Alexander swallows down his initial protest. He nods and stands again, and his palm feels too cool in the air. "I'll be down the hall," he says softly, walking towards the door. "If you want to talk, just come in. You don't have to knock."

Colton nods and doesn't look at him, and Alexander forces himself to unlock the door and walk out, pulling it gently shut behind him.

"I didn't hear any yelling," Daniel says, and Alexander jumps and turns. "You fixed it?"

"I tried," Alexander says. "I think it's gonna be… a process. I'm gonna keep working on it."

Daniel's glare is really something to behold, and Alexander spares a thought to be glad that Colton's got someone so fiercely in his corner. Even if Alexander has no idea what just happened, why he did what he did or what it means that he did it, he still wants Colton to have that kind of support, that kind of unwavering love behind him.

"I promise," Alexander adds. "He asked me to leave, so I'm leaving. You can talk to him now if you want."

"Okay," Daniel says, and his face softens. "Just-- I'm sorry I threatened to kick your ass before. And thanks for telling me, y'know, about you. I'm here yelling at you for fucking up Colton coming out to you, and then I probably handled it even worse."

Alexander smiles. "Thanks, Daniel."

"But I will still kick your ass," Daniel adds as Alexander starts walking down the hall. "If you can't fix this, I will. I'll feel really bad about it, but I'll still do it."

Alexander hides a grin. "Okay, got it," he says. "See if Colton wants to talk to you. He might not, but you should check."

"Yeah," Daniel says, and he knocks on Colton's door as Alexander walks into his own bedroom.

There's a big mirror on the dresser in his room, and Alexander catches his reflection in it as he closes the door. It's weird; he doesn't look any different, doesn't look like the kind of person who would let his brother kiss him, who would kiss his brother back. It's not like he has any idea what that kind of person would look like, but he just sees himself, the same as he's always been.

On second thought, Alexander reflects, maybe that's a sign of something here. Maybe this has always been in him, this… this part of him that sees Colton as his brother, yeah, but doesn't necessarily see that as a problem.

Alexander takes a deep breath and looks down. He pulls the top drawer open and grabs pajamas; he usually prefers to shower in the mornings, but relaxing under the warm spray sounds really good to him right now.

He's walking towards his bedroom door, pajamas in hand, when it opens. Colton walks in, freezing as he catches sight of Alexander. "Oh," he says. "I'll-- never mind. We can talk later."

"Hey, no," Alexander says. "I can shower whenever. Let's talk."

Colton nods and steps all the way inside, pulling the door shut behind himself. He clearly hesitates, but then he locks it, just as Alexander had done in his room before.

"Daniel thinks you came out to me and I was shitty about it," Alexander says after a moment, when Colton doesn't say anything. "I let him think it, so if he brought it up when he knocked on your door just now, that's why."

Colton gives him a small smile. "As if you'd be shitty about it."

"I'd like to think not," Alexander says, smiling back at him. "I guess you told him you didn't want to talk?"

Colton shrugs. "I told him I was okay, just thinking about some stuff, and I guess that was good enough for him. He didn't push."

"Okay," Alexander says. He waits, but it looks like Colton isn't in the mood to make this easy. He has to suppress a semi-hysterical giggle at the thought; nothing about this should be _easy_, so maybe this is just what Alexander should expect.

He walks back to his dresser and lays his clothes on top of it before turning to face Colton. "We can talk, or I can listen if you have something to say to me," he says. "I don't-- you asked me what I meant, and I still don't know. I'll think about it, but I don't have an answer for you right now."

Colton closes his eyes and takes a heavy breath. "What if I decided I don't care?" he asks quietly.

"What?" Alexander asks.

"What if I thought about it a little more, and I decided that I don't care what you meant by it, as long as it's something you wanted to do?" Colton says, eyes still closed. "Something you… maybe want to do again. To keep doing."

Alexander wasn't expecting this; maybe, he mentally revises, he should just stop expecting anything to be easy. Maybe he should stop having expectations altogether.

"Okay," he says quietly, and suddenly his mind is filled with images: pressing Colton against the door, pushing him down on the bed, Colton grinding up against him. It's almost dizzying, how fast he _wants_, and he forces his mind to stop. "That's okay, Colton."

Colton's mouth twists as he finally opens his eyes. "I don't think anything about this is _okay_."

Alexander shakes his head. "No, first rule," he says. "If this happens, if anything happens, neither of us gets to beat ourselves up over it. Got it?"

"But," Colton starts.

"No," Alexander says. "If you want to do this to hurt yourself, Colton, no fucking way. I won't do that."

"You mean that," Colton says slowly. "You actually mean it."

"Of course I do," Alexander says. "You're my brother and I love you. Nothing in me ever wants to hurt you."

Colton makes a strangled sound in his throat. "Okay, what about," he says, and he takes a step closer. "What if part of my side of things is that us being brothers kind of… helps?"

Alexander's breath catches in his throat, and he swallows and nods jerkily. "I don't have a problem with that," he says. "I just don't want you to feel bad about it."

"Okay, I can live with that," Colton says, taking another step forward. "Any other rules?"

Alexander thinks again about all the possibilities, all the things they could do together, and then about his experience, his utter lack of knowledge about Colton's. "You have to," he starts, then clears his throat. "You have to ask me for what you want. I don't want to do anything that would take advantage of you, or make you feel pressured in any way."

Colton's eyes widen a little. "You wouldn't," he says quietly. "You'd never ask me for something I didn't want to give you."

"You don't know that," Alexander says. "You really, really don't know that, Colton, and it's-- this feels important to me." He lets his mind go wild again for a moment, and he has to keep himself from shuddering. "If it helps, I'm… probably not going to tell you no."

Colton takes another step forward, and he's so close now, close enough that Alexander can see the way his lips part as he exhales. "Okay," he says. "Is that all the rules, or can I ask for something now?"

"I reserve the right to make more rules later," Alexander says, and it takes every ounce of willpower he's got not to let his gaze drop to Colton's mouth. "But that's it for now."

"Then kiss me again," Colton says. "Please."

Alexander nods, and when he steps forward Colton reaches out, resting his hand on Alexander's hip. Alexander blinks, and then he leans in, and--

This kiss is anything but clumsy. It's gentle, soft, and then Colton makes a tiny sound and Alexander reaches up to rest his hand on the back of Colton's neck, holding him steady as he tilts his own head slightly. It's close to perfect then, and Alexander kisses him for a moment more before pulling back.

"Okay?" he asks quietly, thumb gently stroking the back of Colton's neck.

"More," Colton says, his voice barely more than a whisper. "Alexander, _please_."

Alexander doesn't hesitate at all this time. He leans back in and kisses Colton, softly at first, but he can feel the moment Colton parts his lips, and he takes it as the invitation is clearly is. Colton's hand tightens on his hip as Alexander licks at his bottom lip, and then he groans as Alexander kisses him for real.

Alexander pulls back. "We have to be quiet," he says, eyes darting to the door. "Colton, we-- nobody can hear. Nobody can figure this out."

Colton nods, eyes dark. "I can be quiet," he says. "I can, I promise."

"Okay," Alexander says, and then he leans back in.

Alexander likes kissing, likes the way it makes him feel and the way he can feel Colton reacting. It's a hot, heady feeling, realizing that Colton is following his lead, is kissing Alexander back just the right way, perfect pressure, a give and take that Alexander can't remember happening this quickly with anyone he's ever kissed before. Colton stays quiet, and the only noise Alexander can hear is the sound of their mouths moving together, almost obscene in the quiet of the room but nothing telling, nothing that anyone would be able to overhear if they weren't close enough to see.

Alexander wouldn't even be able to guess how long they spend standing there kissing each other before Colton pulls back. His eyes are closed, and he leans his forehead against Alexander's, breathing roughly. "Okay," he says, and his voice is low enough to send a shiver down Alexander's spine. "Did you like that as much as I liked that?"

"I liked it," Alexander says, and it sounds half like a confession and half like an affirmation. "I liked it a lot."

"Good," Colton breathes out. "Can I ask you for more?"

"Yeah, "Alexander says, mouth working before he has a chance to think about what's about to come out of it, but when he pauses, he doesn't regret saying it. "You can ask."

Colton steps back and opens his eyes. "I want." he says, and Alexander watches the way he swallows, figures that the red in his face isn't just from proximity. His eyes dart away for a moment, but he looks back at Alexander as he starts speaking. "I want to get into bed with you, and I want to see where that goes."

Alexander's breath stutters. "I need you to be more specific than that," he says after a moment.

Colton shakes his head. "Tell me how far I can push my luck, Alexander."

"As long as we're quiet," Alexander says, glancing at the door. "I… I don't think I'm going to say no to much."

"I want you," Colton says, enunciating each word. "I want to make out with you more. I want to see if kissing you in your bed gets me as hard as thinking about it does, or if I get there even faster when it's real. I want to be under you or over you, whichever you like better, and I want to figure out which it is."

"Over me," Alexander breathes out. "God, Colton."

"I'd ask if it was too much, but I don't think it was," Colton says. "Tell me I'm wrong."

"You're not wrong," Alexander replies. "You're-- god. Okay, okay, let's do it, but--"

"Quiet, I know," Colton says. His smile is quick and bright, and then he leans in and kisses Alexander, hard and fast, before pulling back. He takes a few steps towards the bed, then stops and looks back at Alexander. "Can I take my shirt off?"

Colton's chest is toned and firm, Alexander knows; he's built for hockey, and just because Alexander has seen him walking around in nothing but his swim trunks for days doesn't mean he's prepared to see it here and now. "Yeah, yes," he says anyway, because sometimes doing things you're not prepared for is still worth it, and he has to bite his lip as Colton yanks his shirt over his head and drops it carelessly to the floor.

"Can you, too?" Colton asks, and he doesn't sound shy about it, but it's a little hesitant all the same. "I want-- god, I've thought about touching you."

Alexander bites hard at the inside of his cheek and nods, quickly tugging his shirt over his head and tossing it towards his hamper. They're both in jeans now, and Alexander thinks about climbing into bed in them, thinks about the discomfort of it, and then thinks about what he'd said before. Not unless Colton asks, he tells himself firmly. Nothing unless Colton asks.

"Where do you want me?" Colton says, taking two more steps and kneeling on the edge of the bed. "Left side? Right side?"

It makes Alexander smile. "Wherever you want," he says. "We'll figure it out."

"Yeah," Colton says. He crawls to the middle of the bed and flops down, grinning over at Alexander. "Come on."

Alexander walks to the edge of the bed and makes himself stop and look Colton in the eyes. "If this goes anywhere you don't want it to go, stop me," he says. "If it even starts to, Colton, _please_ stop me. I don't want you to do anything you're not comfortable doing."

Colton's expression is serious as he nods. "I will," he says. "I… it feels weird asking you to trust me, when everything else I'm asking for is something you can say no to."

"I trust you," Alexander says immediately. He sits on the edge of the bed and looks at his hands, then back at Colton. "I don't think I'd ever forgive myself if I made you do something you didn't want, or that you weren't ready for."

Colton reaches out and touches Alexander's arm, "I'll stop you," he says, quiet but firm. There's a trace of a smile on his face. "This doesn't change the fact that we're brothers and I learned how to say no just to piss you off when we were kids. I haven't lost that."

Alexander laughs. "Okay, good."

"Also, you should kiss me again," Colton adds, and Alexander plants a hand on the bed for support as he leans across the space between them. He kisses Colton lightly, barely a brush of their mouths, and then he does it again. He's wondering how long he can get away with it when Colton huffs and reaches out, wrapping his fingers around Alexander's wrist. "Like you _mean_ it, please."

"Being specific is gonna get you what you want a lot faster," Alexander says, partially because it's true and partially because he's been teasing Colton since they were too young to know the meaning of the word, and he's not going to stop now.

"Oh it is, huh," Colton says as Alexander repositions himself, kneeling on the bed beside Colton. "You know what else could get me what I want?"

"What," Alexander starts, but Colton wraps a strong arm around his waist and pulls him down, then rolls so Alexander is flat on his back, their legs twined together and Colton propped up above him.

"Over you, you said," Colton says, and Alexander gapes at him, at the effortless display of strength and the way it's absolutely getting to him.

"I did," Alexander agrees, trying not to sound as breathless as he feels. "What are you gonna do now that you're up there, huh?"

"Well," Colton says, and then he leans down. Alexander tilts his head back as he does, and when their lips meet this time it's slow, the kind of sensual that Alexander can sink into. He sighs against Colton's mouth and rests a hand on his waist, and he can feel the wiry muscle there.

Colton's breath catches, and then he leans down until their chests are touching. It's a shock of sensation, and it's all Alexander can do to split his focus between kissing Colton and following his own rule about not making noise.

"God," Colton breathes out against Alexander's mouth. "You're-- I can't believe you're letting me do this."

Alexander's hand tightens on Colton's side. "I'm not just letting you," he says, nudging his nose against Colton's. "I want this, too."

"That's not any easier to believe," Colton says with a breathless laugh. "Can I…"

"Ask," Alexander says. "You can have it. Ask me."

Colton trails his hand down Alexander's side and pushes it between their bodies, resting his fingers against the button of Alexander's jeans. "Pants off," he says. "I think-- boxers on for now, but--"

"Yeah," Alexander says. He can feel it, Colton's hips pressed down against his, the hard line of him through their jeans. He shudders at the thought of being closer, being able to feel the heat rolling off of Colton, and Colton pulls in a stuttering breath when the thought makes Alexander roll his hips.

"Sorry," Alexander says, going still immediately. "That's-- you didn't ask for--"

"If you think that's not where this was heading anyway, think again," Colton says. He rolls his hips deliberately this time, and Alexander presses his shoulders back into the bed, arching off the mattress, pushing up against Colton's chest.

"Pants," Alexander says. "If you want pants off, now's the time."

"Pants off," Colton agrees. He doesn't move away, though, just leans in and kisses Alexander again, wet and open-mouthed and hungry. When he leans back, Alexander follows him on autopilot, wanting him close.

Colton laughs, soft and a little incredulous. "Wow."

Alexander's face heats. "Sorry."

"You don't get to apologize for this," Colton says, quiet but adamant. "This is-- if we don't get to feel bad, then you don't get to apologize."

"Then you don't either," Alexander says.

Colton climbs off of him, popping the button of his jeans. He laughs as he meets Alexander's eyes. "I wasn't planning on it. Not anymore."

Alexander swallows. "Good."

"You should get your pants off," Colton adds, pushing his down, and--

His boxers don't hide anything, Alexander thinks, a little stunned. Colton's standing there in front of him, cock straining against the light blue fabric , and Alexander can see where it's going dark around the tip. It sends a shock right through him, a shiver that makes him tremble on the bed, and he plants his feet on the mattress and unbuttons his jeans in the same movement, pushing up so he can slide his pants down. It's not graceful, the way he kicks them off the bed, but Colton's eyes are dark, hungry, and Alexander doesn't want to take the time to be showy about this, not right now.

He holds a hand out towards Colton. He's going to say something about Colton taking his time if he needs it, but Colton grabs his hand and squeezes it as he climbs back onto the bed, settling over Alexander again.

"Where were we?" Colton asks, grinning down at him.

"Oh, you forgot already?" Alexander asks, raising both eyebrows.

"Maybe you should remind me," Colton says. "Something about you touching me, you grinding up on me."

It's close enough to asking, Alexander figures, so he puts his hands on Colton's hips and pulls him down, slotting his thigh between Colton's legs and moving his hips. It makes Colton's breath stutter, and Alexander squeezes his hips as Colton drops his forehead to Alexander's shoulder.

"God," Colton breathes out. His movements are jerky, barely coordinated, and Alexander realizes with a start that it's because Colton's already close. They've hardly done anything, but Alexander feels reckless with it, brave in ways he never thought he'd want to be, so he turns his head and mouths lightly at the skin of Colton's neck, hard enough to feel but not hard enough to mark. He doesn't stop rolling his hips, and Colton pulls in a sharp, uneven breath, holding it as he thrusts against Alexander's thigh.

"Come on," Alexander whispers, and Colton's breath rushes out of him as he goes stiff, then slumps against Alexander's chest.

"Oh my god," Colton wheezes out after a moment. "Oh my _god_."

Alexander loosens his grip. "Are you okay? If you need to go, if you need me to go--"

Colton turns his head and presses his mouth against Alexander's, sloppy and uncoordinated. "I need you to get off," he says. "Don't go anywhere. Just-- what do you need?"

Alexander closes his eyes and breathes. "Just," he says, rolling his hips again, then again when Colton groans against him.

"Keep going," Colton says. "God, keep-- keep going, Alexander."

"Yeah," Alexander replies. He can hear how strangled it is, how much his voice is giving away right now, but he doesn't care, not at all. "Colton, god."

"You're so hot," Colton says, voice low in his ear. "I never even let myself think about this for long, because I didn't want to imagine what I thought I'd never get to have, but you're-- you're so hot, moving under me, and it's so much, so good--"

Alexander bites his lip hard and pulls Colton down, and it only takes a few erratic thrusts before he's coming, hot and sticky and wet inside his boxers.

"Oh my god," he rasps out, trying to catch his breath without letting Colton roll away from him. He wants the closeness, and he tells himself he'll let go if Colton gives him any indication that he wants to get away.

Colton doesn't, though. He makes a contented-sounding noise and sprawls over Alexander's chest, tucking his head beneath Alexander's chin and breathing in deeply.

"That was," Alexander says when he thinks words are a possibility again. "Wow."

"Wow," Colton agrees. His fingers curl around Alexander's side. "So, uh."

Alexander turns to look at him. "Hm?"

"This was..." Colton starts, and there's something cautious in his tone. "You said you didn't know what this was."

"I still don't," Alexander says. There's no use in lying about it, he's pretty sure. "I have no _idea_, Colton."

"Okay, well, let me ask for what I want, then," Colton says. He's not looking up at Alexander when he takes a deep breath and keeps talking. "I want this again. I want more. I want this to not be a one-time thing, and I want to know that you're not going to wake up in the morning and decide to take back that promise about not hating me because I can't stop wanting."

His voice is quiet by the end, barely more than a whisper, and Alexander wraps both arms around Colton's back, doing his best to hold him close. "I'm not going to hate you," he whispers back. "I _promised_, and even if I hadn't, I wouldn't hate you. I'm right here, okay? And I'm always gonna be right here for you."

"Because you're my brother," Colton mumbles.

"Because I'm your brother," Alexander echoes firmly. He hesitates slightly, but then he brushes a kiss against Colton's temple. "And I love you, okay? Nothing's going to change that. Not this, not anything else."

Colton sighs, and it feels like he lets out all of his tension with it. "Okay," he says. "Okay. Can I ask for one more thing tonight?"

"What is it?" Alexander asks.

"Can I stay?" Colton asks. "We can tell everyone that we were just catching up, that I had something to tell you and we were talking and then we fell asleep. I just… don't want to go spend the night alone right now."

Alexander tightens his arms around Colton's back, the best approximation of a hug he can manage while they're laying down like this. "Of course."

Colton pushes his face into Alexander's neck, and Alexander can feel him smiling there. "Thanks."

"You're welcome," Alexander says. "You're always welcome, Colton."

Colton's smile stretches wider, and Alexander-- he should feel bad about this, maybe, but in the moment, he just can't.

He doesn't think he will in the morning, either.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks to everyone who has kudoed and commented on this series so far. You're my personal heroes.
> 
> Also, if you have something you want to see, let me know!


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